2015 Wordplay is now complete!
The winners for 2015 are listed first. Congratulations to Anne Del Campo for her creative and pithy first place winner. Congratulations to all the top 10!
We also had a word that came in high but decided that “Name Withheld” was not really a “winner”, so they get more of an Honorable mention. Also, I am SO sorry this took so long; major email problems when we were finalizing the winners; then too much travel for work.
Please see the 2016 page for new submissions.
|to cock an ear
|The email received from a former spouse demanding an alimony payment of a certain amount by a certain date.
|The ghost of an idea
|Something that sounds odd and has financial implications
|Tony Dal Molin
|James Marshal Broder
|singing along to the radio during a drive – often with the wrong words
|An umpire who actually follows the rules
|wandering aimlessly in search of a toilet
|Top Ten Honorable Mention:
|typical result of required workplace training
|An etymillogical onslaughter of the English Language
|To repeatedly ask someone to agree to a meeting
|Someone who thinks you can fix anything with duct tape
|Underwater religious conversion
|The feeling of regret after sending an inappropriate email
|When people chatter endlessly on Twitter or any other social media
|Thinks he’s all powerful but just missing something
|Glen V. Thompson
|A homeless person who sleeps standing up
|Matthew B. Winkel
|Causing or likely to cause an argument over money
|The ability to distribute playing cards in a careful and unhurried manner
|Possessing a third useful appendage
|A toast with burnt milk
|Appearing to be thankful through clenched teeth
|The unbridled ability of large, well-connected corporate entities or thieir ilk to do as they please, usually to the detriment of the public at large
|The strategy employed by the UN Security Council to cut off the Islamic State’s connections to international financial and economic markets
|The art of responding positively to a feline’s display of affection
|Unwillingness to use or support a particular institution, custom, company or cause, no matter how reasonable and cogent the arguments to do so are.
|Describing a last ditch effort to extend life, by applying generous amounts of water to needy plants
|To repeatedly exaggerate your spouse’s faults
|To obtain background information about a potential suitor, particularly through the use of the Internet
|When something has the potential for disaster
|Rushing the preparations for a special event
|Things one has promised to do, the thought of which makes one nauseous
|The ability to become unconventional in an exremely short space of time
|The hype cruise companies tell you about their cruise
|A lazy lover
|A really bad head-cold
|Extremely large or vast influence on one’s astrology
|Describing a quick learner
|A bird that’s flown
|The act of not letting a sneeze go
|To revisit Los Angeles
|The day all potatoes dread
|Recovery of balance, especially on black ice
|An excessively impudent ass
|A woman who will kiss absolutely anybody under the mistletoe
|The art of appearing to be affectionate whilst being critical
|What makes men so predictable.
|When you take your dog to the vet to get it’s nails clipped
|Legato ad absurdum
|Previous philosophical discussion
|Loss of muscle mass due to preoccupation with stargazing
|Inability to sleep due to an audit
|Marco van de Sluis
|When a person’s error-ridden social media post is later quoted by an editor who has the patience to mark each error with a “(sic)”, one would say that the original poster had the siccups.
|That angry, bitter feeling one gets when being subjected to relentless us of acronyms that have zero meangin to the listener but have special or “inside” conduits of meangin that the speaker can only understand or process will leaving the listener unintentionally (in most cases) in the dark
|Space tome continuum
|The infinite worlds created by writers
|Marco van de Sluis
|An inside connection with the nuns
|A false start
|A state of agitation that develops when talking to someone with fruit fibers between their teeth.
|A narrow interpretation of feminism that regards men as superfluous or irrelevant.
|The Beaver’s sharp wit
|Explaining/Rationalizing/Legitimizing a topic all parties privately acknowledge as untrue or fallacious
|The harmonious sound produced by the thigh sections of velvet-ribbed pants when walking.
|An alliterative Rascal
|Arising from the belief in the equality of all persons, providing they are from “royal” lineage.
|When “hectic” is not a strong enough word.
|Not even thinking about starting to do something
|Tied up in nots
|A person who has an aura surrounding him
|A really ugly kitchen
|Gas passed at a college kegger
|Fear of “the hood”
|A curvaceous broadsword
|To lie about one’s weight (flab + fib)
|Your uptightness is showing
|Someone so ignorant it causes you not to see straight
|Dry-rot in a pirates wooden leg
|An apology made with hope to score points towards the next conflict, or to intentionally gain favor with the recipient without true remorse.
|The esthetic effect Agent Orange has on trees
|Excessive money given to ridiculous projects.
|A person you are chatting with who keeps citing facts about topics that you care nothing about, nor which you are presently discussing.
|A long, one-sided conversation by a depressed person.
|The trance-like state into which one descends after watching too many political campaign ads.
|Diligently making your crap everyone’s crap (offal + officious)
|That twitch you get when your computer is not working
|A condition characterized by the inability to stop writing crap in one’s journal
|Matthew B. Winkel
|Provide someone with abundant statistical data to the point they are convinced of something
|Getting screwed by the exchange rate
|The relieved feeling you get after passing wind
|Something that is both a drama and is drastic at the same time. Usually incites panic
|The breasts of a drunken woman
|A violently gluttonous act
|An illicit foot massage
|Estimating how long you think a totally incompatible couple will stay together after the wedding
|The measure of deliciousness in one guacamole
|Someone who takes (and posts on social media) tons of pictures of home improvement projects
|Clear awareness that you’ve stood in dog poop
|Glen V. Thompson
|A badly behaved movie star
|Spontaneously express one’s opinion in a dogmatic way, usually BS
|Dreams of Glandeur
|When you are loose ahead of your time
|Glen V. Thompson
|The basic tenets of joke telling
|Where speach pathologists work
|A donut that has become stale and is now only fit for consumption by a dog.
|When you try to get the last little bit of of drink out of your glass and the ice stuck at the bottom lets go, careens down the side of your glass and hits your face
|Someone who gives everyone else a headached by constantly talking about themselves
|A ho-hum factotum, unconcierged about his duties
|Matthew B Winkel
|A non-believer who drinks wine
|When one walks to another room with a purpose in mind and, upon entering the room, forgets what that purpose was.
|Daniel C. Shaw
|Hesitant to keep gambling after winning a big jackpot.
|Matthew B. Winkel
|The guy savages go to see when they want to get a haircut.
|A game plan which results in a loss
|A floating mine
|The feeling you get when your passenger hassles you while giving you directions while you are driving.
|Lacks intelligent decision making
|Script for a Biblical epic movie
|The aura that overhwhelms you the moment you step into a dairy barn.
|A rectangular region having four congruent sides
|Matthew B. Winkel
|The Abominable No-man
|Where people go and post “inspirationals” about being good to everyone which you know they don’t abide by
|The long race home over open country after having a one-night stand
|A homeless hooker
|Someone or something having an ephemeral or ghost-like appearance or quality
|The exotic fruit that looked so good at the store but dessicates to rock in your refrigerator
|The interval of time between the moment when your dropped hammer impacts your big toe and the first evidence of the enormous pain that is to follow.
|When you confused the mineral oil for the vodka!
|An illegal steroid for wild horses
|Matthew B. Winkel
|Assign priorities on a bucket list
|Synthetic material used in sphincter muscle replacements
|Any mail who acts like a chauvinist around his mates until his wife turns up.
|Andrew Mark Ayliffe
|The condition of becoming embittered with humanity after too much interaction witht the general public as a hack driver
|the stupid, cheap umbrella you have to purchase because you have twelve at home but not one with you when it starts to rain
|A cat that one is trying desperately to prevent from getting outside
|when rearranging the furniture just doesn’t work at all
|the socio-political condition of being stuck in the distant past if one’s economy is based primarily on oil
|Retirees who attend annual shareholder meetings soley for free food.
|people whose suddent rise to fame is exceeded only by their meteoric fall into obscurity
|training that is irrelevant by the time it’s finished
|the party that pays for the entertainment of another (see also “parent” or “boyfriend”)
|instigating an animated conversation with a fellow passenger or stewardess to mask the rictus of fear that descents the moment the “fasten seat belts” announcement is made.
|a device for measuring wind speed and chill factor effect on anemones
|A large retail store selling a wide variety of copyrighted mantras
|fear of entering ones closet, over-stuffed with way, way too much clothing (alt: closetropobia)
|global assumptions made based soley on gender
|All that remained when the blues got soul
|the process leading up to a fight between two rats
|gaudily displaying one’s expensive acquisitions
|stretching exercises done by a passenger during a long drive to keep from crampling up
|goddesses who thwart your good intentions about the quantity and quality of your food intake
|the unfortunate consequence of mixing Levitra and tight blue jeans
|Something that magically happens or appears without planning or effort “The clean laundry automagically appears in my drawer”
|instant conceptualization and actualization of a really stupid idea
|A saying that will make you laugh, as well as stop and think
|To be irritated by someone or the actions of someone you cannot identify
|Largest eggs available
|A fire whose purpose is not to heat but to provide ambience
|surrounded by thugs
|the invariable guitar at a friend’s house that he only tried to play for, like, three months
|What you feel when someone refuses to stop talking like a cowboy
|A restraining device used in the story “Fifty Shades of Grey Hair”
|That dude who keeps standing up on his barstool trying to find the bartender
|Narelle Rance & Doug Langmead
|a network in its typical state
|A sincere appreciation for accepting something that is not rightfully yours
|A popular exercise regimen performed using a pole
|when you keep thinking a hair is in your food or mouth
|taking back words before you say them
|when you’re having people over on short notice and you cram things under beds and into closets to hide your shame
|For those with no problem being slightly overweight; they’re spectacular!
|in other words, a Dewars sunburn
|a knife fight in a barn
|a high-maintenance daughter (alt: boughter)
|decorating your house better than the rich guy next door
|a hierarchy of how the heirs will succeed to the throne
|the sympathy expression to someone who had an accident due to a defective prophylactic
|The wisdom you learn from the extra money you spend when youre debts are not paid in time
|the elephant in the college student’s room
|an illness in which someone is judgemental without even being aware of the condition
|recipe for investment bank collapse
|enoying the company of other people all praising you
|the reburial of a long-dead English King exhumed from a carpark. Such was his lot.
|the change in bowel movement due to excess fiber in the system
|the insect that you expect to find in your Chinese carry out.
|after passing through the system, this creaton is now reformed
|The act of desecrating a historic building by creating a building front that is tasteless and out of character and historic context from the original building.
|One of those awful corkscrew fluorescent replacement “CFL” lamps that flickers and blinks like the devil
|Bragging, boasting or tooting our own horn on social networks
|a marathoner’s strategy notes
|A combination of ‘dramatic’ and ‘fantastic’, probably be used most often in sporting events.
|An implied comparison, resolution of which reveals information you’d rather not know
|Penitentiary for cachetic felons
|Patience in accepting late payment of rent, for example
|A bullock that can’t bellow because it’s horse
|The attempt to fix or address something. The outcome could go either way.
|No women allowed
|the ‘low-high’ temperature record for a given day
|a small and sneaky arbiter of a baseball game
|Disreputable female avatar
|50 Shades of Grey Hair
|takes action first, not never
|Purposefully being late to something
|attractive as well as meriful
|what becomes of your Arnold Palmer beverage if you piss off your waiter while ordering
|A false accounting or incorrect version of history usually intended to mislead people
|comedy club for people unlikely to be comedians
|the hormone responsible for the inability of a man to text a woman longer than 30 minutes without sending her a picture of his junk
|prone to compulsive stopping
|the state that your device is in when you are downloading something and the bar stops moving
|a really crappy car
|Aston Martin driver with a breathalyser reading of .007
|The instince that causes highly sarcastic people, when faced with utter idiocy, to do as Chandler Bing would do
|meeting place frequented by seabirds
|When a senior citizen does something unexpected and completely against the rules of logic. i.e. it was completely grandom when the old man drove the wrong direction down the drive-thru lane.
|expensive private school marketing tools
|contest this contest
|What you call when things get terminally boring
|Someone who walks with eyes glued to the smartphone, often blocking pedestrian traffic and blocking out the environment
|The act of being screwed by the golf gods
|Someone who leans forward and falls flat after renouncing faith
|A place where the games that are held are intellectual
|An ancient instrument used by men when told they need to help clean. It is a 6′ long hollowed out pipe-like instrument that emits a whining howl.
|One who is obsessed with buying elasticized, figure-enhancing garments.
|when hate deflates
|Small, usually casual restaurant that specializes in veal
|A tersely cogent whack-job
|Virtual money that can only be spent on porn sites
|The person with ultimate authority to change or delete text in an article
|the native tongue of ignorami
|A group of people known for their lack of intelligence when it comes to picking up on human body language and innuendos
|A frank but foolish fancy
|Caught planking with Captain Morgan
|While urinating can’t hear someone talking; can’t do something else while into a long urinating session..
|Unbelievably large gonads
|The condition of turning into an evil, cranky monster due to lack of sleep (common to adults with new babies)
|A computerized device that tricks your activity tracker into thinking you’re burning calories while you veg out on the sofa
|Perusing the obituaries for prospective singles
|A congeries of commies with chest colds
|Why cats have 9 lives
|When a visitor stays long enough that they have unofficially moved in
|newborn German cat